I hate having my picture taken. I really, really do. As soon as that lens pops up, I instantly feel a jolt panic. I want to duck, weave, cover my face with my hair. It’s a funny quirk of mine. I’m not entirely sure where it comes from, and I’m a little ashamed of it. I’m a grown woman for goodness’ sake. I should be able to take a photo without having a panic attack. But the idea of someone looking directly at me – well, I just find the idea hideous. Take, for example, the new profile pic I have up on my website. I’m smiling, but if you look closely at my eyes, you can see the awkwardness I’m taking about. Luckily, my good friend was taking the photo and she had endless patience and wine to help ease the process. This got me to thinking that I often feel the same way about my writing. I am fine with complete strangers reading my work, but when it’s somebody I know? Well, that’s a different beast entirely. The moment when he or she expresses interest in buying my book, my palms start to sweat, and I often find myself saying things like, “Oh, you don’t have to do that” or “It’s really weird. My sense of humour is really weird.” I mean, WHAT? Of course, I want people to buy my book. I guess, I just don’t want them judging me. And let’s face it, reading someone’s writing is a little like peeking into his or her soul. I think I should add working on this problem to my growing list of New Year’s Resolution. I mean, one day I might actually have to go to a book signing…and, oh God, forget it. I can’t even finish the thought. Let’s just skip the moral of the story. The whole thing is just too horrible to even think about. Have a good one! Auralee
UPDATE: I’m changing my picture again. That was just too much of me, looking at me, every time I went to my page. Creepy.